John Loney

John Richard Loney (1941-2022)

Retired Sears Canada and E.N. Blue

Died peacefully on Tuesday, July 5th at home in Ottawa. John was a people person, pro salesman, Stan Lee lookalike, and happy homebody. His favourite things included his wife of 37 years, Marianne (most of the time); his two daughters, Megan and Erin (50/50); his cats (especially Angus); his granddaughter, Ava (even when she broke his DVD player); his newborn granddaughter, Freddie (preferably asleep); Caesars; driving aimlessly; instant coffee; Rockin’ Johnny’s Diner; action movies; the annual family Thanksgiving trip to Mountain Orchards; and lecturing people on the proper way to fold toilet paper in order to maximise effectiveness while reducing waste.

Born in 1941, he overcame a hard childhood in Ottawa and Kirkland Lake to live the rest of his life in comfortable contentment. He wasn’t great at talking about feelings, but showed his love through generosity and gift-giving. A huge proponent of the “treat yourself” lifestyle, he never denied himself anything he really wanted. After a near-death experience in 2014, he went out and bought the Hyundai SUV he had been eyeing in his favourite magazine, Consumer Reports, without first speaking to his wife. His life’s motto was, “better to ask for forgiveness than permission”, a sentiment that his daughters appreciated enormously. When mom said no, Fun Dad always said yes.

He was meticulously groomed, sporting a white moustache, combed-back hair and Stetson cologne for most of his life. He was a fan of hats of all types, aviator sunglasses and large belt buckles. Not much of a traveler, he preferred to be around home wearing his self-styled uniform of button-down shirts and navy blue cargo pants. He loved driving around Ottawa, especially to visit clients or to chauffeur his daughters. In the car, he listened to Roch Voisine, Vangellis, Sarah Brightman and Adele at top volume unless his passengers preferred something else.

He was the bionic man - a cat with nine lives. Over the last ten years of his life, he had several near-death experiences: a splenectomy, an aortic aneurysm, a heart attack. He found it absolutely hilarious and mildly infuriating that he seemed to be invincible. On many occasions, he told the story of his elderly grandmother who played a game of poker with the family, took a shot of whiskey, went to bed and died peacefully in her sleep. “That’s exactly how I want to go”, he would say. In the end, he got his wish - substituting poker for TV and whiskey for cherry pie with ice cream.

He is so loved and will be sorely missed, but his five girls understand that, just like his favourite song says, it’s time to say goodbye.

In keeping with John’s wishes there will be no service. Instead, we ask friends to have a bowl of spaghetti and make a memorial donation to the charity of their choice.