Personalization


Personalized Funerals


If you are in the midst of planning a funeral, you may be feeling overwhelmed right now. Many details must be attended to. Many people must be contacted. Many decisions must be made. Your natural and necessary feelings of grief make these tasks even more difficult.


Still, it’s important to slow down, take a deep breath, and focus on what is really important, what is essential about the funeral you are planning. What is essential is the life that was lived and the impact that life had on family and friends. To honour that unique life, the funeral must also be unique. Over and over families tell us that the best funerals are those that are personalized.

How to Personalize a Funeral

  • Consider the unique life of the person who died

    As you begin to think about personalizing the funeral, turn your thoughts to your memories of the person who died. Think about his or her qualities and what he or she meant to others. Consider his or her passions, hobbies, pastimes, likes, and dislikes. You might try making a list of the following:

    • attributes or passions of the person who died
    • special memories to share
    • achievements of the person who died
    • important people to include somehow
  • Personalize the elements of ceremony

    Once you’ve given thought to the unique life and personality of the person who died, it’s time to incorporate those memories into the funeral plan. Be creative as you, together with your family, friends, funeral director, and the person who will lead the service, brainstorm how to remember and honour this special person. A good way to personalize the funeral is to personalize the common elements of funeral ceremonies:

    • the visitation
    • the eulogy
    • the music
    • the readings
    • the procession
    • the committal service
    • the gathering or reception

    Each of these elements can be personalized in many ways. For example, at the visitation, you could set up a display of photos, memorabilia, collections, or artwork. You could do the same at the gathering following the ceremony. Choose music that was meaningful to the person who died or to your family. Select poetry and other readings that speak to the life of this unique person. Ask the people who were closest to the person who died to participate by playing music, giving readings, being pallbearers, making food for the gathering-whatever suits their own unique talents.

  • More ideas for personalizing a funeral service

    The funeral service you have should be as special as the life you will be remembering. Here are a few more ideas:

    • Write a personalized obituary. Some newspapers allow you to express a little more than the usual who/what/why/where/when. Appoint a creative “word” person in the family to handle this task.
    • Create a column in the guest book for people to jot down a memory after they sign their names.
    • Display personal items or hobby paraphernalia on a table at the visitation, the ceremony, and/or the gathering afterward.
    • Choose clothing for the person who died that reflects his or her life, interests, passions, etc. The clothing needn’t be formal or somber!
    • Create a personalized program for the ceremony. You can include photos, poems, anecdotes-whatever you’d like! Your funeral director can help you with this.
    • Show a videotape or slide show of the person’s life during the funeral. Pictures tell a thousand words!
    • Ask children if they would like to write a letter or draw a picture of the person who died. Their “goodbyes” can then be placed in the casket alongside the body.
    • Select flowers that were meaningful to the person who died. A simple arrangement of freshly-cut lilacs, for example, might be perfect.
    • At the funeral, invite people to write down a memory of the person who died. Appoint someone to gather and read the memories aloud.
    • Create a funeral that captures the personality of the person who died. If he was zany, don’t be afraid to use humor. If she was affectionate, have everyone stand up and hug the person next to them during the ceremony.
    • Display photos of the person who died at the visitation, the ceremony, and/or the gathering. In fact, putting together a photo collage can be a very healing experience for the family in the days before the funeral.
    • Use lots of music, especially if the music was meaningful to the person who died or is to your family. Music can be played at the visitation, the committal service, and the gathering as well as the funeral service itself!
    • Create a personalized grave marker. Include a poem, a drawing, or a short phrase that defines the person who died.
  • A final word

    I hope you have been encouraged in your efforts to create a personalized funeral ceremony. While it may seem overwhelming right now, we promise you this: a well-planned, inclusive, personalized funeral will touch your family, the friends of the person who died and you yourself deeply. The funeral will help you begin to heal and will provide you with great comfort and satisfaction in the months and years to come.

We're Here to Help

Tubman Funeral Homes has been serving the community for over 90 years. No matter your choice, we can offer you a space to join with family and friends in grief, comfort and love to honor your loved one. We will be happy to go over all your options and answer any questions that you may have. 

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Personalization


When searching for ways to personalize a funeral service, remember the moments you spent with the person and try to highlight the qualities that she or he are remembered for. Consider hobbies, subjects of interest and places where the person spent much of his or her time. It can help to make lists of their passions, achievements and memories you shared together. There are a number of ways that these lists can be incorporated into a service:

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Photos and albums

There are many opportunities to display photos at a funeral service. Poster boards with photo collages can be placed on easels for display. Flat screen TV monitors can be used to display pictures or a slideshow during calling hours or just prior to the services. Photographs can be printed in the memorial folders, registry book or on urns.

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Videos

A video is a wonderful way to share your loved one’s life with others. It can be personalized with your special photos. These videos become keepsakes that you can share with your family for generations.

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Artwork

Artwork of the deceased or art created in tribute is a beautiful addition to a service. Sculptures, a slideshow of drawings or displaying artwork throughout the funeral home helps people learn more about a life that was cherished.

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Music

Live or pre-recorded music can be relaxing and comforting to those who have come to the service. Some other ways music can be used, is to stream YouTube or Spotify with the deceased’s favorite songs or songs that he or she wrote or to have musically inclined family or friends perform at the funeral service.

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Readings of Poetry & Literature

Passages from the deceased’s favorite books or poems that capture the essence of life help create a service infused with wisdom and words to remember. You can also invite friends and family members to read passages or poems of their choice or write their own pieces to share.

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